A friend of mine asked me last week why I didn't post on my blog more often. And I answered that I only post when I have a lot of emotion to express, when everything comes exploding out of me because this is the only way I know how to release everything bottled inside of me. And the truth is, I have felt this overwhelming bottling of emotions constantly in the past month. It's never ceasing. Always there, tormenting me. And the nights that this emotion explodes out of me are the nights I hate myself the most.
The truth is, I feel disconnected. from everything. and i feel alone. i feel so alone. nothing feels right to me. i don't know if I'm in the right place, I don't know if a "right" place exists for me. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, I don't know if the "right" thing exists for me. I don't know if I'm with the right person; I don't know if the "right" person exists for me. i feel so lost. i feel so confused. I spend most of my time feeling inadequate about school, friendships, my relationship, everything. I'm not smart enough to be here, there is nothing in this world I am good at, and there is no one in this world who should have to put up with me.
I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what I want anymore. Nothing feels right. And I feel so alone. And I am SICK AND TIRED of crying myself to sleep every night.
