τυφλές ελπίδες και ραγισμένες καρδιές

Last Thursday I was walking around campus in the dark, listening to Greek music, and feeling the October chill of Colorado creep across my skin as I thought about life, love, brokenness, freedom, security, the need for adventure (and so much more). The combination of my thoughts and the song I was listening to kept bringing a phrase to mind (one of my own making), "τυφλές ελπίδες και ραγισμένες καρδιές," or "blind hopes and broken hearts." I'm not sure what prompted these thoughts, perhaps my own sense of changing tides that I felt approaching in my life. I somehow always know when these pivotal moments are looming, and I think I subconsciously begin mentally preparing myself for them. But I really thought so much about how we blindly hope for good in our lives, and in other people. I do at least. I feel like I can find beauty anywhere, even in brokenness and hurt, in suffering. And I long to see that beauty and that goodness everywhere. I go into all situations with trust, even after having been shown time and time again that people are usually untrustworthy. I go into all situations believing that somewhere, deep inside, all people's hearts hold beauty, even when they show me time and time again the ugliness that is capable of coming out from within. I go into situations believing that the best can come out of them, no matter what. Basically, I go into every situation blindly, with blind hopes. Believing, Having faith, Trusting, Loving Unconditionally. And the truth is, I often walk away with a broken heart. Because not everyone sees the world as I do, not everyone sees people as I do. There's an odd contradiction in the fact that I am completely aware of my naïveté about the world. I see the world and its people clearly through my head, but I always choose to live through my heart, disregarding all that I know logically. I may blindly hope in good and beauty, I may walk away brokenhearted, BUT I also always walk away feeling that I've found meaning, strength, and a renewed sense of the world's possibilities. I feel sure that what I'm saying doesn't make sense to most people, but this is the rambling of a dreamer, of a feeler, of a lover, someone who is often scolded for giving too much, forgiving too easily, and loving too innocently. I'm not sure if I'm going anywhere with this, or if I have a point. Likely not. Maybe my point is that sometimes I sort of knowingly set myself up for disappointment, and because I feel things so deeply, I can easily be battered by life, BUT, because I choose to believe in love, in good, in beauty, I feel like I always come out on top. Like my life always finds a way to embrace the world and emanate the beauty that IS there. And while there are few things I would claim to love about myself, I think this is one of them. I think I always consciously attempt to choose passion over apathy, risk over security, experience over mundaneness, freedom over inhibition...and I think my life has been more rich, more full, more beautiful, and just simply GOOD because of it. :)