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i dont have any idea how to title this entry. no matter how much i think, nothing makes sense. last week, on tuesday, i ended up going to the hospital to get some medication because i was having this ridiculously weird and painful thing going on in my ear. turns out my canal was completely closed due to inflammation. they gave me 4 different medicines, one of which made me really sick for the remainder of the week. i forced myself to go to school (just for my class period) each day, but by the time i had walked home on thursday i thought i would die, so i skipped out on school friday. (the medicine made me incredibly weak). but anyway, that was probably the most insignificant thing about last week. what i would call the "significant" thing was much more...well...significant.

tuesday, the evening i had come back from the hospital, one of the boarding students came to tell us that benny had malaria. benny is the "patron" of the school. he is about 30 years old, and he lives with the almost 40 boys who are boarding studenets at fanaka. i spend hours at school with him everyday, and he comes over to our house every night. three people i know have had malaria in the time i've been here. the symptoms are much like the flu, only they can lead to much more serious things, including death. the three others simply had anti-malaria injections and were better within a few days. that night, we also took benny to get an anti-malaria injection, and no one was really worried about it. we came to find out the next morning that the malaria had "gone to benny's head," meaning it was very strong in his body and affecting him psychologically. he didnt know who the boys at school were, he didnt know where he was, and he didnt know who he was either. a group of people drove him to the hospital to be admitted in critical care. by that night, he was unconscious and remained that way for the whole next day. he woke up on friday, but was still unaware of what was going on around him. i didnt go to visit him until friday night since i had been sick and bibi wouldnt let me go to see him. my heart broke the second i walked into the hospital room. benny was sitting on his bed, held up by two other men. his eyes were crossed, and he was drooling. i fought my tears as hard as i could, and forced myself to cheerfully call his name the way i usually do when i see him. a smile came across his face. everyone in the room was very happy to see that because it was the first time he had smiled. bibi said, "oh my daughter, it is better that you are here to bring joy to benny." that really brought the tears forward. when they pointed to me and asked benny who i was, he slowly said "le--na." which was a huuuge step for him because he hadnt been talking or recognizing most of the people around him. the best way for me to describe his behavior and state of mind is to say that he was like a small, mentally retarded child. i saw him again on sunday. they were trying to feed him. but benny wouldnt swallow anything, and everything they put into his mouth just dripped down his chin. he would close his eyes and moan and grunt, and try to resist being fed. in less than a week he had lost SO much weight. that day he was wearing a pair of shorts that he often wore before, and they were sliding right off of him, they were huge on him. i couldnt help but think of the last time i had talked to benny, the day before he got sick. i had recently seen pictures of him in which he had been quite thin. i was teasing him about the gut he had grown. "its from ugali," he said (ugali is a very starchy food they eat ALOT of here). "noooo benny," i said "thats a beer belly. you're drinking too much beer. we have to work on losing that stomach." he laughed and hit me and we giggled like two little fools for the longest time. seeing benny so sick, so emaciated, made me cry to think of that last time we spent together. today they took him to have his brain scanned, so we'll see how that goes. it is possible that in time benny will return to normal, but it is also possible that his mind will forever be damaged. his situation has consumed my every thought and im hoping for the very best for him.

ooooh, what else. there are so many things i could mention. like people here pick their nose with no hindrance. doesnt matter where you are, or whats going on, people here will look you right in the eye and dig up their nose as though it were money they were trying to get out. some stupid invisible bugs must be in my bed because i constantly have these bites EVERYwhere when i wake up. and every night and morning im inspecting the bed sheets, or feeling small bites which are really just the outcome of paranoia. im starting to get really tired of eating the same thing everyday, and ive been daydreaming about ALL kinds of things i want to eat when i get home. some women here draw on thick eyebrows with super dark pencils and they just look ridiculous. everyday i wish to strangle the obnoxious group of men who "work" on the road i use to walk to school. if i hear "hey baby" or "give me money" one more time i'm going to punch someone in the face. the guys who work at the internet place i used have discovered my blog. solomon (one of the guys) even printed it all out to read while he rode the bus. he's sitting on the other side of the room right now, and will probably be reading this soon. im laughing. i bet he's reading this and laughing too.

im pretty sure that my dramatic, tearful episode really straightened out the students because most of them have been little angels in comparison to how they had been behaving before. today they were working in groups, and as i watched them, i teared up again, this time with bittersweet tears. i was so happy to see how well they working together, but at the same time i was overwhelmed with how much i love them and the thought of saying goodbye to them in only one month is heartbreaking. anyway, ive written so much and have probably bored you to death, so more to come in about a week i suppose. i miss you all. alot.